Michele: Hey, everybody, this is Michele Heyward, in case the eighth and we’re back again for another diversity, equity inclusion Thursday, we are back to talk about allies. And the reason we always circle or come back to this, especially right now is I don’t know if you’re on my email list. You know, I sent out a message this week, so, so, so KC, follow me. And it was that you quit after 51 days. Literally, George Ford was murdered on May 25. And you have seen a drastic reduction in people discussing systemic racism. And what I wanted to bring about and really discuss, like, how do you keep the conversation going, especially as an ally, how do you continue to do the work? So today we’re going to dig in deeper as to what is an ally And if you’ve been with us for a while, we have a whole acronym for ally, I’m gonna pop it up real quick. And then Krys is gonna jump into it and really start and we don’t have this discussion about how you are an ally. But this is what we shared a few weeks ago. And we’re going to go into it a bit deeper today as to what are those actions you take as an ally? And what does that look like? So we probably get to one or two of these today. So just just stay with us, and we’ll get you there. So, Krystal, let’s go.

KC: Right. So I was thinking about this. A lot of times we talk about what’s important to do, and then people want more concrete ideas. And then I thought, Okay, well, let me think about something I can recommend that I think is powerful. And so for the first a, I think it’s very powerful and important to know and understand and have awareness have the privilege that we have. And one of the tools or one of the awareness raising tools that I use that I read myself and have been sharing along my journey with others is Peggy McIntosh is how our white privilege unpacking the invisible knapsack, and so I’m going to pull that up and just kind of share it and I’m not going to read through all of it today, but I highly recommend folks. Check it out. So let me see if I can pull this. Nope, it’s denying me. Okay, well, that’s too bad. So I’ll just say it one more time, clearly, and I’m going to read a couple of them. Myself, so it’s white privilege, unpacking the invisible knapsack by Peggy McIntosh, and the first lines she says I was taught To see racism only an individual acts of meanness, not an invisible systems conferring dominance on my group. So that’s a powerful quote, that is that the very top. And what it is, is basically multiple pages and looking at 50 things listed under daily effects of white privilege. And it’s things like I’m just going to name a couple, I can, if I wish, arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time. So that’s the first one. The second one, I can avoid spending time with people whom I was trained to mistrust, and who have learned to mistrust my kind for me or me. So basically, it’s about choice. So even in just reading two of them, you’re starting to see that privilege actually, can also be experienced as having increased or more choices. So that’s the first one that I highly recommend, and I’m just going to say it one more time. Which is white privilege, unpacking the invisible knapsack by Peggy McIntosh, and I’m looking up to read it to make sure I got all the words in a row correctly, so you can Google it and find it very quickly and easily. So that’s the first one that I would name for awareness raising. And the second letter that we oftentimes are actually let me ask you, Michelle, do you want to come in and say anything about the first one?

Michele: I think for the first one, when you think

KC: Have you heard of it? First of all, yes, or no. I’ve learned like, what? Have you heard of it? Have you heard of this list? No. Okay.

Michele: No, no, I haven’t heard of the list. I’m just just going just reflecting back a bit on the book club. Right. And we were talking about

KC: an iron condor book.

Michele: Yes.

KC: How to be an anti racist

Michele: how to be an anti racist. One of the comments was I don’t have the power. But you know, if somebody was explaining how they went, they were at their place of employment. And they talked to somebody who was in a power position, about how they felt about how they were recruiting talent in the organization and hiring. And the person’s comment in the book club was they didn’t have the authority. And I explained to them, you have privilege, you have power, you have influence, and understanding that you have those and how to leverage them and to use them to break down systemic racism is really important. So those that you know, we say privileged, but also understand the influence you have within organizations. Even if you don’t have the power, right, you can go in and you can help influence change within our organization as an ally. So don’t discredit that be even though you don’t have the authority to give rope. So I just wanted to add that in there. It grew.

KC: Cool. Yeah. So I would highly recommend looking up on this by Peggy McIntosh. And it’s really just important for allies who are new, who really don’t understand what is privilege. I don’t get it. A lot of times I hear folks saying things like, you know, I’ve had a really hard life or I grew up poor, or you know, whatever it is, that you think takes away from privilege you’re hearing in your ear. So you’re in understanding of privilege is such that it means to you current, if that’s your thought in your head, it means, oh, it means that there’s no barriers. No, that’s not what it means. So if you’re thinking Hmm, when people say I have privilege and I want to tell them why I don’t have privilege, this is what I recommend you read. If that is ever been a thought in your head, I highly recommend reading this. This will help You in that journey and get past the first a, because if you’re not past the first day of awareness that this is a problem that needs to be fixed.

And that you’re just going to get stuck, you’re going to get stuck in the hole like me too, that all lives matter type of mentality. So this is going to break you out of that. Okay, so the second thing that I brought today was a personal rule that I tried to share with folks called the listening role. And so in our acronym, the first letter is a awareness. The second letter is listen. Now, listening is a skill. And let me tell you, I’m not that great at it. I’m still working on it all the time. I am a curious person I’m constantly thinking about the next thing I want to ask. Whenever someone says something about anything interesting to me. I’m like through and in my brain, I’ll just go into this whole like narrative around something that got me excited that they said early on, and then I’m done listening. Um, so that’s You know, that’s a well intentioned, not deep listening situation. There’s also like the defensive, not listening situation where you hear something that you disagree with, maybe you’re not even curious. You’re just like, disagreement here. Then now you’re turned off, you’re no longer listening, and you’re trying to figure out, how do I respond to that one part that I just know I don’t agree with, and I am stuck there. I can’t keep listening. So those are two ways that I experienced, personally, a barrier to me listening to understand, and that’s what i’m trying and that’s what I’m going to share with you today. So listening to understand the listening rule is, here it is, you listen so that you can paraphrase it back to the person that just shared the message with you whatever message they’re trying to share with you. paraphrase it back in your own language, not in the language they used in your own so that they can see okay, That’s not the word I would choose and why? Or actually, you totally missed this one very specific part that I’m trying to focus on. And I see that you actually spent most of the time paraphrasing this other part. And thank you for paraphrasing it because now I realized I actually want you to focus more on this. And this was just like filler stuff. This is just the listening roles. Practice that I’ve experienced so far. I know a lot of people do listening role for de escalation. So I just took a course on de escalation and they were talking about you listen to the person that is elevated or upset, you make sure that they know that you’re listening, listening and repeating back paraphrasing does not mean agreement. It means that you are valuing what they’re saying enough to focus on what they’re saying, to make sure you have grasped the concept. And then you’re going to work to give it back to them so that you can make sure that you’re on the same page you have a shared understanding of the message they sent. So That is the secret sauce of listening. deep listening true listening to understand that is Ally ship listening. One more time you listen to understand so that you can paraphrase back what you are hearing and learning. Okay, listening to understand as an ally means to listen to paraphrase back, because we’re trying to learn. We’re trying to understand the other and their point of view. And some people will say, oh, but I learned by playing devil’s advocate, that’s not what we’re talking about today. We’re talking about listening to understand the other point of view and paraphrasing it back so that they can fill in the gaps. That’s it. Yes, you can start having questions and dialogue. I’m only doing listening role. Okay, that’s it. That’s my big lesson on the L for today. What do you think Michelle? 

Michele: I love it. And I have found and it’s just really comes from education is as the teachers talking, you’re taking notes Right. And so, so too often we’re trying to take mental notes or when a discussion like, Wait, let me make sure I get this right, as opposed to really just listening to what the person says. And you’re trans, you’re translating it, like you said to your own terms, and then repeating back what you said. So I think it’s really important too often, whether we’re in meetings, in school, on sales calls, whatever it is, we’re generally taking notes. And we’re not as engaged as we could be and should be. And it’s really important, like you said, to repeat back so that you see if you truly understand what was said. So that was going to be my tip. My Wait, he’s doing my tip. Okay. So we will. And it is and I’m not, it’s like we plan on my phone. I’m just checking for LinkedIn. But it’s like that. It’s like, well, I’m waiting for a call from my daughter’s like, let’s make sure we are truly engaged with what’s going on in the conversation. I agree. Yeah.

KC: Awesome. All right. So we have been covering allyship. And the A for awareness is understanding the water that you’re swimming in before you take the next step of listening and engaging and taking in more information as an ally to to better understand the perspective of marginalized or oppressed communities. And then the next L is learn. So Michelle and I both were part of a book club where we were reading Ephraim Kennedy’s how to be an anti racist. And I’m just going to just say, recommend highly recommend reading, start to finish, listen to it. And that book is amazing just to teach you a lot of stuff in and help you unlearn a lot of the things that we were taught, so I can’t recommend it high enough, like if you’re going to learn and for the times that we’re in right now, this is this is a book I really highly recommend. And if you’ve already read it, then I would go to his reading list and Go through the, because he has this book club reading guide and questions but below the guiding questions for the book club that he created. There’s also Further reading recommendations. So if you’ve already read his book, scroll down to the bottom of the discussion guide and find yourself something that gets you excited. So Michelle and I did the same thing a few days ago, and I was like, Oh, this one sounds good. Ooh, that one sounds good. So it can be dangerous if you really like learning, like I do, because I’m like, I want this one and that one and the other one. And so learning is really fun.

Michele: It was really interesting when we’re talking about going through the list like I read that in high school issue, like I didn’t read that. It’s like really, I said, Maybe because I’m in South Carolina in a small town with two historically black colleges and universities. And my teachers graduated from historically black colleges and universities. So they had us reading took Toni Morrison, and he had I was reading other black authors and stuff. One of my favorite black authors is actually Langston Hughes. And so mother to son is my second favorite point of his. And so it was really interesting how education is set up very differently. And what we’re exposed to. So going through the list is like, but I can remember distinctly going through college, not having any exposure to those books, right? Unless I had gone to an African American Studies class. So it was it was very enlightening, as we’re going back and forth and discussing books and what’s next for the book club, how our experiences to what we have been exposed to is very limited, as far as diversity, and so that really talks about and really shows systemic racism of what you are exposed to and who you are exposed to, as far as literature and history, and so so it’s really important for us to sit there and analyzing Create a list of books that really show systemic racism. But, um, as far as what was presented to you in, in high school as reading options, or junior High’s reading options, and then further in higher ed. So it was it was a great conversation just between the two of us. And so I encourage you, when you go through the list, go through with other people and see what they have been exposed to those who have been longtime allies, those who have spent some time maybe, let’s say, since my ground and Black Lives Matter movement, and those that are newer and see really what each of you have studied, have read and been exposed to prior to because it’s really, really eye opening to how systemic racism has really narrowed and excluded so much when it comes to even reading materials. So and what it encourages, and so forth. So anyway,

KC: That is so good, yes, I love that challenge that Michelle just out there. So the challenges, go look at the discussion guide questions from how to be an anti racist by every attendee, and review the recommended reading list with someone and see and compare, you know, some people. So Michelle, many of those books she had read, I grew up in South Texas on the border of Mexico. And none of those none of those were on on the reading list. Granted, I moved in high school, so it would have had to be on a junior high reading list. But even then, there was nothing really talked about even in Texas history, which we are all required at that time in seventh grade to learn about Texas history. And I’ve said this before, we didn’t even I didn’t learn. I had no idea where their slaves in Texas I had no idea. And Juneteenth is actually rooted in when the message arrived in Texas. So you think I would have learned that it takes us history, but anyway, now I’m off on a tangent. I’m gonna bring it back in sorry everyone. But thank you The challenge to review that reading list with someone else and reflect on you know what, you know, what is that that’s embedded? racism, you know, the policy of who gets to choose what history we learn about in school. So okay, so that’s learn and then the Why yes to action. My recommendation for folks today that I bring is 2826 ways to be in the struggle beyond the streets. So there is this PDF, which I highly recommend googling so it’s 26 ways to be in the struggle beyond the streets. And I bring this up for multiple reasons. Number one, protesting is wonderful, do it if you feel safe and able and it’s an option for you, but there’s also a whole bunch of other ways that you can take action and you should be taking action, if it’s if it’s accessible for you in your situation. So you need to self assess and I highly recommend looking into 26 ways To be in the struggle beyond the streets. So that is an awesome resource and I’m just going to click over here and read a few of them so you can get a little understanding of what some of the recommendations are. So its host or attend, attend a Know Your Rights training. An online fundraiser. Let’s see, let’s zoom in a little bit on this one. Be a grounding or a self care buddy to someone. offer to help create a safety plan with someone. Create intentional spiritual space for someone or a group of people in your in your sphere in your life. Create a home base continue to reflect on your privilege. Attend a planning meeting or strategy calls, support or organize healing justice events, cook pre or post March meal, create and share art offered to be the emergency contact for someone, coordinate or provided childcare. That’s a huge one, spread the word on rallies and actions and events, etc. So there’s all sorts of ways you can support and be a part of what is happening, which is shifting from the old way that is oppressive and embedded and diseased with racism into a new world where we are creating that actively. So we need to pull together and we need all sorts of people to be doing all sorts of different activities.

So Michelle is trying I, I tried to look it up, but there isn’t like a very clean PDF, but you can find it on. It’s like issue us are issuu.com. But anyway, so that’s where it came up. But you can find it 26 ways to be in the struggle beyond the streets. You can also just follow activists and a lot of people online and they’re sharing different ways that you can be supportive. You know, maybe you can volunteer at the polls. Maybe you can volunteer to, you know, pull together resources, local resources of information and put it out there for people in your family, maybe find the deadlines for certain things, for voting registration for voting ballots, getting mailed to you for whatever. So anything that you can do to help and support people and this work continuing and being sustainable, that is being an ally. So making sure this is a long journey, is it’s long. So we’re going to need all the things we’re going to need child care, we’re going to need food, we’re going to need health, we’re gonna need an emergency plans. So it’s very exciting. Yes, Michelle got it up on the screen for us. So this is kind of what it looks like. It’s multiple pages and different ideas. And there’s a little blurb about each of the things. So you can read through it and say, Hey, you know what, this one works for me. This one doesn’t really work with who I am and how my life is set up and you can choose so there isn’t one right or wrong way to be in the struggle against oppression and resisting racism? So check it out. And I’ll just do a little check in with Michelle, what do you think? Do you have anything to share? Nope.

Michele: No. I don’t have anything additional to share. I just asked like, let me pull this list up. I like it. But it’s really, really important. I would say, well, we always tell allies is it’s a long journey. It is a worthwhile journey, right? And it’s the impact that you truly make on society. And so I would say it’s a long journey is is the lifetime so it’s part it becomes part of your everyday life. So it’s not like you push hard every day. There are literally steps and actions you take. That may seem small, but yet they’re impactful over a lifetime. So think, think of it that way. It’s sort of like How many miles you drive a walk every day and over time? It’s so many it adds up. And so it really like I need to replace my apartment 250,000 miles, right? How many years did it take you to get to that? 250,000 miles. And that’s the same way. You’re going to look at the time it takes you to drive the 250 miles, 250,000 miles, and how much work you do in between that zero miles on the odometer to that 250,000 miles. So we say lifetime and as long as it’s gonna be a long period. It’s just those small daily actions you take that really change the world and really help to break down systemic racism.
Yeah. All right.

Michele: I hand it back over to you.

KC: All right. So I’ll just recap. So we were talking about actions or that you can take to be an ally and I’ll just recap a was awareness. And I was recommending that we check out white privilege. unpacking the invisible knapsack by pack, Peggy McIntosh and then for the L. The first L, I’m talking about listening for understandings of deep listening and being able to repeat back and rephrase it specifically rephrasing in your own personal language so that the person who you’re trying to make sure you understood, can find the gaps in our understanding of what they said. So that is very important and specific. The next thing is learn. And I just was continuing to recommend to read how to be an anti racist by ibram Kendi. And then Michelle had an awesome challenge, which was to check out the discussion guide that can be created for his book and review the recommended readings with someone else and compare, you know, how was it you know, because Michelle had read a lot of those books in high school and I went to high school in Iowa, we never were assigned those books. So you know, there was discrepancy there and that’s actually showing you how racism is embedded. So My mostly white high school we were not required to read many black women authors, and therefore now I am as an adult having to go back and relearn. So, then the yes to action I was recommending to check out 26 ways to be in the struggle beyond the streets, as well as just looking around in your life to understand how can you support this movement that’s going forward. So check out that list and assess yourself and your situation and see what and where and how you can contribute and be a part of this moving forward sustainably. You know, we got to eat, we got to support each other, we got to have emergency plans, we got to have child care, all that good stuff. So how do we band together as a community to support this continuing forward? Alright.

So that’s the recommendations. Michelle, what do you think?

Michele: I like them. I think we get too often, especially for new allies, they get overwhelmed. And these are one or two things you’re going to select don’t, you don’t have to do all 26. Just again, instead of going wide, go deep, and just do that one thing. So it may be something you do on the fundraising side, and you’re consistently working on something every month, every quarter to raise, let’s say, $5,000. A quarter. And that could just strictly be for bail for protesters. So whatever it is, you’re going to create that plan you want to execute it, you’re going to have that follow through with it. And you may build out a team that consistently helps you do that. So don’t don’t worry about doing everything you want to do that builds one or two things and just go deep instead of why

KC: I love that.  All right, well, that’s it. That’s what we got for you today. We did it in 25 minutes. Yes.

Michele: I know Crispin talks about Krystal. I don’t know if you’re gonna get through All for if she is like, okay, I’ll do just to like she did great. So this is this has been really good. But if you have other resources, be sure to drop links, we’d love to see them love to share them out love to discuss them, because it all it really does take as many of us as possible to break down systemic racism. This is like we said, it is a marathon, not a sprint. I wish it were if it was it would have been over decades ago, 100 plus years ago, and it’s not. So let’s keep working for this. Let’s, you know, keep learning and growing and activated to break down systemic racism. And I’m not smiling because I’m happy. I’m smiling because I like where we going. I like the activation and in 5054 days right now, let’s keep the momentum and let’s turn that momentum into plans and actions. All right. You’re very, very welcome. Everybody have a great week. We will not be back next week. We are both his interest. We’re both booked on a Thursday. Right. So we won’t be here next week. We will be back in the last the last Thursday of August. We will be back. So the 2030 we won’t be here on the 30th. We will be back but hey, just still connect with us still send us messages. drop those comments, resources, topics. What do you need help with? We’re definitely here to support you.

All right, everybody. We’ll see you later. Bye

KC: Bye.